First off, I want to say it’s been a minute since my first blog post lol, second, I’m going to try to post more often and on a consistent basis. With that being said, let’s start with this post.
Stuck in my own head is pretty self-explanatory and I hope everyone that is reading can relate. We, as creatives, tend to hold ourselves back with overthinking and putting up mental blocks that stunt our growth. Concocting stories in our heads for reasons we cannot get ahead in our dreams and goals. I’m here to share my thoughts and own experiences.
On this journey to becoming a successful photographer, I had my own insecurities about my abilities and how I am perceived. Mostly because I had no idea what I was doing and wanted to be like the people I see and admire. All I wanted to do was take great photos and people like my work. I had a vision for my photos in my head but at first, they didn’t come out that way. I also wanted to come off as professional to potential clients. I wanted to sound, look and project professionalism especially when I sent emails to clients. I would take forever to respond to people out of fear that if I didn’t come off as professional, they wouldn’t take me seriously. I would sit there in front of my computer for hours working on the perfect professional response. Not only with emails but I would take forever to respond to people via text or phone calls. If I wanted to send them a quote, I would be conflicted. I didn’t want to price myself too high that it might scare them off but not too low that I would low ball myself. I would do my research on the market, but it was all over the place-- It depended on your experience, what you were offering, your skillset and what you felt you were worth. Eventually, I started believing I wasn’t worth that much. You have no idea how much I was stressing over this.
I’ve read so much, did so much research, asked so many questions. I just thought to myself this isn’t going to work. Who wants to work with someone that doesn’t know what they are doing? Why work with me? My vision and skillsets didn’t match up. I also thought a majority of my photos sucked. Every once in a while, I’ll see one of my photos that blew me away, but I still was upset. I couldn’t edit the colors the way I thought I wanted or make the photos pop. I still push through, but these thoughts constantly plagued me.
Then one day at a friend’s office warming, I ran in to another friend at the event who was doing really well with his catering business. He told me he loved my photos. He wanted me to take photos for his next big events. I was in shocked. Me? Really? I didn’t even know he was looking at my photos. To be honest I got emotional, not in front of him thought lol. I was excited at the opportunity. Then after working an event for a friend, now recurring client, one of her associates wanted me to photography their event as well. They loved the photos and they were watching me work. “We saw how hard you were working to get the shots, we want you for our next event” were her exact words. Again, I was in shock. I got emotional again but this time after the event I sat in my car and cried. I sat there and just cried. I was just so happy. All the research, practice and damn near obsession to get better was paying off.
If was at this moment when I realize that I have the tools to succeed all along. I just had to trust the process. I was so worry about being great and this top-notch professional out the gate. I got into my own head about how I wasn’t good enough or deserving. I looked back to when I started to where I’m at now. My website when I first started, the type of equipment I had, my early photos and my skillsets. I’ve grown. I got into my head so much that if only I truly believed in myself from jump I would be much further. I’m still reaching and practicing but with new found purpose. I’m learning a different aspect of photography. I’m reading on the business, the contracts, marketing, pricing and etc.
I’ll end this post on this, I had my insecurities, I let it sit in my mind, let it fester and boil. I let it hinder on my growth. I let it affect my confidence and feed off my fears. It took me a while to finally notice that even though I was stuck in my own head it was subconsciously pushing me forward. I was so nervous that I constantly pushed myself to be better. Now that I’m consciously aware, I’ve been actively reaching out, studying and practicing. I’m still not where I want to be but that mini-me that’s been sitting in my head, telling me I’m not good enough, keep talking because I will continue to prove you wrong.
Coy!